It’s personal…

I have spent most of my life trying to be a version of myself I thought would win approval. It often did. The thing is, I still didn’t believe the hype. Push harder, I thought. Move faster. Be better.

Nope, still not good enough.

I was happiest when winning — whatever winning meant. But as anyone knows who is purely driven by the will to win, it’s lonely, short-lived, and ultimately unsatisfying.

This pursuit of perfection led to various unhelpful and often destructive behaviours. Turns out I’m not alone.

As a former journalist, I interviewed and worked with Olympic athletes, sporting legends, and business leaders. One of the biggest drivers for most people at the top of their game is a fear of failure.

Not the joy of winning.

There had to be a better way to live. In a bid to find that way, I studied an MSc in Experimental Psychology, followed by an MSc in Sport and Performance Psychology. I gained a distinction in both while working full time and being a single mum to two kids. I told you I don’t do things by halves…

Heading back to university was life-changing. I thought I needed to be tougher. Harder working. Less in my head. I was wrong. What I really needed was to be more thoughtful, more present, more mentally flexible — and far more compassionate to myself.

When a person is mentally flexible, they have space to make decisions based on their values, rather than knee-jerk responses to immediate, short-term emotions. Research shows that psychological flexibility helps with stress, anxiety, depression and PTSD. It also builds resilience, supports self-compassion and allows people to relate to themselves with kindness instead of criticism.

I love to share what I have learned over the years. My approach is direct, practical and evidence based – with a healthy dose of compassion. I don't do 'therapy' talk, I do real talk.